


Breaking the Rules

by Redgillan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hate to Love, I don't think there'll be smut, tagging this as mature bc idk what it's going to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redgillan/pseuds/Redgillan
Summary: Modern!AU You hate James Barnes with a burning passion and the feeling is entirely mutual. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you are tricked into attending his sister’s wedding as his girlfriend. Stuck with a bunch of strangers, you come up with a set of rules that are not going to last long.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Hate to Love, Fake Dating, Snarky Remarks, Language  
> There will be a lot of OCs (Bucky's parents and sisters) Enjoy!

 

You loved Natasha’s apartment. It was spacious and bright and she had a great view of the city. There was just one teeny-tiny itsy-bitsy problem… you hated her neighbour.

James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.

Natasha introduced you to Bucky a little over a year ago. Her fiancé, Clint, adored him and Bucky always stopped by their apartment. The boys would stay in the living room and watch TV while you and Natasha gossiped and drank wine in the kitchen.

Bucky was drop dead gorgeous and that bastard knew it. Women just seemed to gravitate towards him. He carried himself like he was the king of the world, oozing confidence from every pore.

You thought he looked ridiculous, especially when he walked. Bucky didn’t walk, he strutted. You found him incredibly infuriating; his manner, his physique, and even his voice. Oh, God, you hated his voice. It was always raspy, like he had just woken up.

Natasha tried to calm things down, but you were both too stubborn to listen to her.

“It’s Friday night, why is  _he_  here?” you hissed, before taking a long gulp of wine. “Already fucked all the brainless girls in New York?”

“Just because some women find him attractive doesn’t mean they’re brainless,” Natasha chastised and while you knew she was right, you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever.”

“You’re my maid of honor, he’s Clint’s best man. You will have to spend time together so try to get along.”

“Nat-” you started whining.

“Don’t you dare ruin my big day!”

“Why is he Clint’s best man? You’ve only known that guy for a year.”

“You know why.”

She gave you a dirty look. Clint was nice guy, but he had what she liked to call ‘ _a resting murder face_ ’. At first glance, you remember that he looked quite intimidating and you were a bit hesitant to stand too close to him. Now that you had spent more time with him, you knew he was a dork with a serious caffeine addiction, but you understood why people were scared to approach him.

You were deep in thought when Bucky walked into the kitchen, carrying two empty bowls of chips and pretzels. He made a beeline for the bag of chips on the counter and left. As he stepped into the living room, Natasha called his name, and he turned back.

“You still need a date for your sister’s wedding?”

Your head snapped up, your eyes widened when you realized her intent. You mouthed a ‘ _no’_ , but she waved you off. Bucky seemed oblivious to the tension in the room and sighed. “Yeah, it’s in a week. I’m starting to lose hope.”

“Ask Y/n,” she said way too casually.

Bucky turned his attention to you, acknowledging your presence for the first time. His face was unreadable and you just wanted to scream. You stared at each other for a moment before he made a nasty sound in the back of his throat.

“I’d rather throw myself off a cliff.”

“Please, do that,” you mumbled behind the rim of your glass.

You pretended not to see the dirty look they gave you. Bucky placed the bag of chips on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He was wearing a beige shirt, which looked hideous on him.

“Bucky needs a date because he can’t face his ex-girlfriend. It ended badly and he needs someone who will look at him like he’s God’s greatest creation.”

“Nat!” Bucky shouted. He had a look of fear, surprise and shame all rolled up into one expression.

“I’m just repeating what you told me.”

You scoffed. “Well, we all know I only look at him like he’s Satan’s greatest creation, so I can’t go.”

Natasha looked over Bucky’s shoulder at Clint who was still sitting in front of the TV. He was deaf, but he was also very good at pretending not to notice things around him.

“Why don’t you ask one of your girls? You fucked half the city, your choices are endless.”

Natasha drawled out your name, sounding like a mother scolding her child. Bucky stuck his tongue out at you and you retaliated by flipping him off.

“Bucky, look,” Natasha pleaded. “Y/n’s polite, cute, and I’m sure your family will love her.  _And_ , this is a great occasion for you two to get to know each other. We’re sick of you guys always fighting. It has to stop.”

“I refuse to be this moron’s fake girlfriend,” you said with a tone of finality.

“For once we agree on something.” Bucky nodded.

A smirk spread on your lips. “So you agree, you’re a moron.”

He gasped before you both started shouting at each other. Natasha closed her eyes and took a deep breath, grinding back her teeth. She was seconds away from beating you and Bucky senseless.

“SHUT UP!” she shouted, scaring you and Bucky. She huffed out a frustrated breath, her shoulders relaxing a bit. At least you and Bucky had the decency to look ashamed. “Y/n, you’ll go with Bucky to his sister’s wedding.”

You looked up, meeting her eyes, and scoffed. “You can’t force me.”

“Watch me!” Natasha hissed, sending a cold shiver down your spine.

She held your gaze, a tiny smirk appeared on her face when you swallowed hard. You turned to Bucky, finding him less intimidating than Natasha.

“I’ll go with you.”

* * *

On Monday, during your lunch break, you vented your frustration to your co-worker.

“So now you have to go to his sister’s wedding and pretend to be his girlfriend.” Maria raised an eyebrow, her fork in mid-air, a bit of chicken hanging to it. You nodded. “But you hate the guy, right?” You nodded again and she started laughing.

“Can you please stop laughing?” you whined.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” She took a deep breath to calm herself. “So what are you going to do?”

You reached down to pick up your bag from the floor. “Well, I thought about it and I came up with a few rules.”

You handed her a small notebook and she opened it to a random page. “ _Rule #15 No pet names,”_ she read out loud and scoffed, flipping through more pages. “How many rules did you come up with?”

“120…” you mumbled around a mouthful of salad.

Maria muttered a soft  _‘wow’_  as the door opened and closed quickly. The noise caught your attention and you nearly spat out your mouthful of salad. Bucky looked around the small restaurant, his face lit up when he found you.

“What are you doing here, Barnes?” you said through gritted teeth as he dragged a chair from another table and joined you.

“Nice to see you, too.” He gave you a tight-lipped smile and turned to Maria, his eyes widening. “And you are?” he asked in a suave tone that made your jaw clench.

“Married.” She wiggled her fourth finger at him.

You kicked his shin under the table and he let out an exaggerated cry of pain. He rubbed his shin and turned to you, a crease forming between his brows.

“How did you find me?” you asked.

“Natasha told me you were Tony Stark’s assistant and some guy called Jarvis told me where to find you.”

He reached into the bread basket and pulled out a breadstick. You tried to slap his hand away, but he was already munching on it.

“There’s something I forgot to tell you.” He took your glass of water and finished it in one big gulp. “The wedding is this Sunday since it’s a long weekend. But my mom wants to get to know you so you have to take Friday off.”

“I can’t-”

“I already took care of it,” he said with a smirk. “That Jarvis dude is going to cover for you and I promised him you’ll cover for him next week. He has something important to do or whatever, I wasn’t listening.”

“I’m going to slap you in the face, Barnes.” You drummed your fingers against the edge of the table. “Why didn’t you tell your parents we were not dating? I thought you didn’t want to face your ex-girlfriend.”

“Yes, but information travels fast in small towns. It’s better if we just pretend.” He grinned when he saw your jaw clench. “So, yeah, see ya’.”

“Wait!” You grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stop. “I have something for you.”

You smiled inwardly as he cocked a brow and plucked the notebook from your hands. “What is that?”

“Rules,” you said with a shrug.

“’ _Rule #1 No kissing. Rule #2 No lingering touches. Rule #3 Barnes will have to find his own bed_ ’,” he read out loud, then looked up at you and raised his eyebrows in question. “Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Where am I gonna sleep?”

“Wherever you want, but not with me.”

Maria had propped her elbow on the table, her cheek resting on her palm. She smirked as she watched you and Bucky argue.

“Wait, ‘ _Rule #6 Barnes has to buy Y/n a new dress’_?” He turned the page. “ _’Rule #7 and a pair of shoes_? Hell no! What am I? Your sugar daddy?”

“Well, it’s a wedding, I have to dress the part.” You turned to Maria for confirmation and she nodded vehemently. You placed a hand on Bucky’s forearm and patted it. “I really wish I could see the look on your face as you read all my rules –spoiler alert there are over a hundred- but I’ve got to go back to work. If you agree to the terms, sign the last page.”

He was livid and you were having the time of your life.

* * *

Without enthusiasm, you folded and tucked your belongings into a travel bag. You were so mad at Bucky for showing up at your workplace. Not only that, but he had the audacity to change your schedule. Only self-absorbed pricks do that.

On top of it all, Bucky was running late.

“Sorry, sorry,” he panted heavily once he found you. “I had to pick up my suit. Here you go, that’s your ticket and that’s your damn notebook.”

You opened it to the last page and saw Bucky’s signature along with a handwritten note.  _I agree to all your stupid rules. You’d better be an amazing girlfriend. JBB._

“Great. Now, let’s go or we’ll miss the train.” You adjusted the strap of your back on your shoulder and took a few steps forward. You turned back to him when you noticed that he wasn’t following you. He had a devilish smirk on his face. “What?”

He dug around in his bag and pulled out a manuscript that he shoved into your hands. You looked down at the cover and scoffed.

“ _The life of Bucky Barnes_ , by James Buchanan Barnes? What the hell is that?”

“Everything you need to know about me is in this book,” he said with a shrug. “You have two hours to read it. After all, you’re supposed to be my girlfriend, you should know me, right?”

“You’re a massive jerk.” You went straight to the last page. “285 pages?! How the hell did you write over 200 pages in three days?”

“It wasn’t easy and I barely slept, but it was worth it. If only you could see the stupid look on your face.” He laughed. “Well, I should get going. My first class seat is waiting for me. See ya in two hours.”

You tucked his book under your arm and walked away, knowing your ticket wasn’t a first class. You were not even mad, at least you were free from this pompous jerk -well for two hours. Bucky cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled.

“Happy reading!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual + angst

 

You woke up from your nap and stretched your arms over your head since there was no one sitting next to you. The book Bucky asked ordered you to read was on the empty seat next to yours. With a heavy sigh, you picked it up, threw it in your travel bag and left.

Bucky was waiting for you on the platform, his foot tapping impatiently. The next couple of days were going to be the longest of your life.

“Okay, so our weekend starts now,” you said, shoving your bag into his arms. “Rule #4 you have to carry my bag,” you reminded him.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m already carrying three bags. I am  _not_  a donkey!”

You took a step back and looked him up and down. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He was carrying his suit on a hanger covered with plastic, a clip-on backpack and a messenger bag. The muscles in his jaw clenched when you shrugged.

“Not my problem,” you replied.

With a loud grunt, he slung the strap of your bag over his shoulder.  If looks could kill, you’d be dead by now. You tried not to show your amusement, but it was difficult to keep a straight face.

You fell into steps beside Bucky as you exited the station. His parents stood out among the small crowd, not only because of their size but because they were freakishly good-looking. His mother was waving her hand vigorously, a giant smile splitting her face.

“What’s your mom’s name?” you panicked.

Bucky’s head snapped toward you. “You didn’t read the book?”

“I fell asleep after the first paragraph. You have a very boring life.”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/n! I have to obey your every whim, but you can’t read a few pages?”

“A few? It was over 200 pages, Barnes!” you whispered loudly as Bucky’s parents walked toward you.

“Stop calling me Barnes,” he hissed with a fake smile.

Mrs Barnes caught her son close in a bone-crushing hug, making him drop the bags. She pulled back to look at him, then hugged him again. Bucky hugged her back for a moment before he tried to wiggle away.

“Okay, let him breathe, Winnie,” his father laughed.

“I haven’t seen him in  _years_.” She reluctantly let him go and gave him a disapproving look. “Why are you so skinny?”

“Ma’,” he whined, embarrassed.

Bucky was a lot of things, but skinny wasn’t one of them. His broad shoulders stretched the fabric of his jacket and his long muscular legs were encased in blue denim jeans, which he filled out quite nicely.

You blinked yourself back to reality, your face flaming hot. Realizing you must have spaced out, you cleared your throat.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Barnes,” you said with a polite smile.

“Oh, please, call me Winnie. Mrs Barnes was his mother,” she said, gesturing to her husband.

His father introduced himself as George and held out his hand to shake yours. You stuttered slightly as you told him your name. Bucky was a carbon copy of his father, the only difference being that his father had more grey hair and wrinkles.

“We’re really happy to have you here,” he said, smiling brightly. “But we should get going or we might get caught in traffic.”

George gathered the bags and placed them in the trunk while you all took a seat. Bucky opened the door for you –rule #5- and sat next to you. You resisted the urge to squirm and turned your head to glance out the window.

The light of day was slowly fading into night and you focused your attention on the scarlet streaks flooding the darkening sky. It was so peaceful and quiet until Winnie spoke.

“Normally I wouldn’t allow you to sleep in the same bed, you’re not married after all, but since Nana is staying with us, we don’t have a spare room.” She looked over her shoulder to the back seat. “So behave.”

“Yikes! Don’t worry,” you replied and continued to stare out the window at the passing scenery.

She gave a satisfied nod and turned the radio on. You let go of the tension in your shoulders, lost in the comfort of the singer’s voice. You pulled out your phone and opened your text app. There was a message from an unidentified number.

 

> _‘Yikes, don’t worry’ ??? You sound so in love *eye-roll emoji*_

You lifted your head to look at Bucky who was typing away on his phone. He pretended not to see you.

 

> _How did you get my number?_ you texted back.

> _Natasha_.

You groaned out loud. Nat was a pain in the ass and you didn’t need her constant meddling. George peeked in the rear view mirror to make sure you were alright.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Oh, uh, yes.” You felt your face grow hot. “I just received a text from a weird man who keeps trying to befriend me.”  

A soon as the words left your lips, your phone buzzed in your hands. “ _Fartface_ ,” was Bucky’s mature response. You saved his number under the name ‘ _Buttface’_  and grinned to yourself as you pocketed your phone.

Soon after, George parked the car in the driveway that led to a beautiful two-story stucco house. There was a two car garage on the side of the house and the wraparound porch was crowded with fancy furniture, including a swing covered with pillows. It wasn’t a large house, but it looked like a nice place for kids to grow up.  

As soon as Winnie climbed out of the car, a girl ran toward her. She was tall, slender and had long brown hair with golden highlights.

“Becca just called,” the girl said, a little breathless. “There’s a problem with the car, but they’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m gonna try and call her. Your brother’s here.”

Brushing a hand across her daughter’s shoulder as she passed her, Winnie climbed the steps to the porch and disappeared through the front door. George followed her into the house, carrying most of the luggage. 

You felt a pang of remorse; your rules only applied to his stupid son. Before you could take a step toward him, Bucky’s sister appeared before you.

“You must be Y/n. I’m Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Lizzie.” She smiled as she took your hand and shook it hard. “I’m so happy to finally meet you.”

You tried to smile, but her enthusiasm was a little too much to handle. It was late and you just wanted to eat and go to bed. Bucky caught his sister when she launched herself at him. He hugged her tight, closing his eyes for a moment. Lizzie pushed him away when he blew a raspberry on her cheek.

“We’re having a barbecue at Steve’s house. There’s plenty of food and stuff. You can freshen up and then we’ll eat!”

Bucky showed you around the house while his parents and sisters went to the neighbour’s house.

The kitchen had two accesses, one from the living room and another from the laundry room. The guest bedroom was at the end of the hall between the master bedroom and a two-piece bathroom.  The living room was connected to a stairwell that went up to the second floor. At one end of the hall were Bucky’s bedroom and a bathroom and at the other end were three bedrooms.

“How many sisters do you have?” you asked, once you were in his bedroom.

“Now you wish you had read the book, uh?”

“Kind of,” you admitted.

You looked around you, glancing at the simple bed against the far wall. You had expected to see a large bed and posters of bikini-clad girls on the walls, but there was none of that. It was like being inside a time capsule. Back to the 00s.

Bucky sat down in the old swivel chair behind his desk and clapped his hands once, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Okay, let’s recap. I’m the oldest, then it’s Rebecca. You saw Lizzie downstairs, she graduated from Brooklyn Law School last year and Mary’s still in high school.

“My dad did two tours in Iraq and now he runs a restaurant with my best friend, Steve, who lives next door. My mom’s an accountant.”

You nodded. Your mind was racing, trying to process all the information Bucky had given you. It wasn’t easy, mostly because you didn’t care, but also because it had been a long and tiring day.

“I think I’ll remember,’ you said, rubbing your temples. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“There’s a sleeping bag under the bed,” he replied. “It’s old, but it’ll do.”

“Okay. Can we go now? I’m starving.”

Five minutes later, Bucky led you into the backyard of his neighbour’s house where his family was waiting for your arrival. Bucky introduced you to his sister, Mary, his best friend, Steve, and Steve’s wife, Peggy.  You sat between Mary and Bucky and smiled politely as Winnie passed you a bowl of creamed green peas.

You made small talk with Bucky’s sisters, even though you hated the awkwardness of it. You found out some juicy gossip about Bucky and made a mental note to tease him about it later. Steve and George were talking about the restaurant while Winnie scolded her only son.

“You never call, you never visit. We didn’t even know you had a girlfriend!” she said, nodding toward you.

“Ma’, I’m sorry. I just have a lot of work, y’know. But I’m here now.”

Winnie waved her fork at him before she stabbed a slice of melon. “We’ll talk about this later.”

You heard Bucky gulp and you almost felt sorry for him. He knew his mother would nag him about it. She always had to be right and have the last word about everything.

You were so caught up in Mary’s story that you didn’t notice that Bucky had left the table. He had quietly slipped into the house with Steve and Peggy. The couple had some news they wanted to share with him, but they were afraid of his reaction.

“So,” Steve broke the silence after Peggy gave him an encouraging nod. “Your girlfriend seems great. You finally hav-”

“She’s a fucking pain in my ass,” Bucky groaned. “I thought I could do this, but I can’t. It’s impossible.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m not dating Y/n,” he explained, rolling his eyes as they stared at him, confused. “Seriously? You really thought we were dating? C’mon, we have nothing in common and she stands three feet away from me like I have the plague or something.”

Peggy snapped out of her confused state. “Who is she?”

“My neighbor’s best friend. Honestly, it was her idea. We can’t stand each other.”

“But… but…” Steve babbled, unable to form a coherent sentence. “Why?”

Bucky took a deep breath, hoping it would calm his nerves. “It’s just… I can’t show up alone, y’know? I can’t let Dot win. She needs to see that I’m happy and in love.”

“Bucky, don’t do that to yourself.”

He bit back in a silent groan. He knew it was crazy, but he hoped that his friends would understand why he had to do it.

“Ah, there you are! I thought you were hiding from me.”

His body automatically cringed at the sound of your cheerful voice. It sounded so fake. He knew you were enjoying this.

“What do you want?” he asked abruptly.

“Oh, you’re a Grumpy Gus today,” you exclaimed with a fake gleeful laugh and gave him a pointed look. A look that said ‘ _If you don’t calm down they’re gonna know we’re faking it_.’

“They know we’re not really dating.” Bucky gestured loosely toward Steve and Peggy.

“Thank God!” you breathed out, dropping the act. “It’s exhausting having to put on an act all the time.”

“You don’t even look like you’re in love with me.”

“Oh, cry me a fucking river, Barnes!”

He opened his mouth to snap back a retort, but before he could, Peggy cleared her voice, reminding him that they were still in the room. There was no doubt in their minds that you and Bucky were faking a relationship.

“Oh, yeah, you wanted to tell me something, right?” Bucky suddenly remembered.

“I’m pregnant,” Peggy blurted out.

You felt Bucky tense next to you. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at them with an icy glare. Steve and Peggy waited for him to say something, but long minutes passed and a palpable tension began to build.

“Congratulations!” you said, giving them your best smile. “Sorry, it’s been a really long day. I think we should go.”

Bucky didn’t look at you as he bolted out of the room. He mumbled an apology to his parents and headed back to the house. You had to run to catch up with him.

“What’s the matter with you? You’re acting like a real jerk. Can’t you be happy for them? This may come as a surprise to you, but not everyone wants to fuck around all their lives.”

He spun around so fast that you almost crashed into him. “You don’t know me, you don’t know anything!”

He rushed up the porch steps and slammed the front door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of Cheating, Mention of Emotionally Abusive Relationship

 

You woke up with a start, unsure where you were. The distant sound of laughter filled the room and you rolled to your side, groaning. The light filtering through the curtains was bright enough to see by, but your eyes were still blurry from sleep.

“It’s barely seven!” Bucky groaned.

His head appeared just above the mattress as he sat up from the floor. He was at eye level with you and yawned widely, not bothering to cover his mouth. You buried your face into the pillow, mumbling something about morning breath.

“So this is what you look like in the morning,” he said, stretching his back. “Interesting.”

You shoved him hard as you kicked the covers off and jumped out of bed. He fell back into his sleeping bag, staring up at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. You made a beeline for the window; his mother and sisters were having breakfast on the patio.

“Oh, shut up!” you snapped, your eyes shooting daggers at him. “You don’t look better. Are those dark circles under your eyes or are you turning into a panda?”

“Hey, I just said you looked interesting.” His self-satisfied smirk made your blood boil.

“Yeah? Well, you look  _interesting_ , too.” You used your fingers to make air quotation marks around the word interesting. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to take a shower. Now get up and make my bed.”

“What? No-”

“Rules #9, little panda,” you reminded him, closing the door behind you.

When you came downstairs for breakfast, there was an empty seat between Bucky and Lizzie. Mary handed you a glass of orange juice while Winnie introduced you to Rebecca.

“You can call me Becca,” she replied with a warm smile. “How long have you and Bucky been together?”

You looked thoughtful for a moment before you decided that a half truth was better than a half lie.  “We’ve been seeing each other for a year.”

“Love at first sight?” she asked.

To Bucky’s surprise and shock, you burst out laughing. He jabbed you in the ribs with his elbow, making you cry out. You recovered quickly and answered Becca’s question.

“Not really,” you sighed, preparing yourself mentally for what you were about to say. “But now, I love him so much, it physically hurts.”

You glanced at Bucky who was chewing with his mouth open, gleefully and on purpose. You drank your orange juice with a loud slurping noise that made him grit his teeth.

While the others talked about their plans for the day, Becca observed you and Bucky. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something strange going on between you and Bucky. Months ago, he had checked that he was coming with a guest, but last night, during dinner, you told them that it was a last minute thing.

She pondered the thought while they all cleared the table and washed the dishes. It pained her to see him like that; sad, distant and angry. He had been so emotionally damaged that he was now reduced to a shell of a man.

Bucky left the kitchen to return to his bedroom and found you already there, stuffing your phone into your purse. He crossed the room and flopped down on the bed, a content sigh leaving his lips.

“Going somewhere?”

“Yes, your sisters are taking me to the mall. I would have mentioned it last night, but you were too busy throwing tantrums. Mary’s excited, though. She wants to move to New York and run a fashion business.”

Bucky chuckled, his eyes closed.

“Anyway, I need your credit card.”

His eyes sprang open.

“According to the rules, you-”

“I have to buy you a dress and a pair of shoes,” he interrupted you. “Yeah, I remember.”

Without knocking, Mary burst into the room, startling you and Bucky.  There was a frown on her pretty face as she looked you over.

“What’s taking you so long? Come on! Let’s go, we only have four hours to find the perfect dress!” she nearly shouted, clapping her hands as if that would make you move faster. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

She rushed downstairs, her feet pounding the ground. Bucky took a step towards you and reluctantly handed you his credit card. Laughing like a villain in a Disney movie, you took your purse and left the room. Bucky face-palmed himself; you were going to be the death of him.

Mary and Lizzie took you to every clothing store they knew, but you were still searching for the perfect dress. Luckily, you found  _the_  dress in a boutique you had never heard of before. The dress was red and form fitting; the perfect combination of classy and sexy.

Your eyes widened when you looked at the price tag. That beautiful designer dress was worth more than you made in three months. Teasing Bucky was fun, but you were not going to spend all his money on a dress.

You took a last good look at yourself in the mirror and tried to find flaws in your flawless dress.

“That dress looks amazing on you!”

A woman was standing behind you and you raised your gaze to meet hers in the mirror. She had long, straight red hair and sparkling green eyes. You turned around to face her.

“Red’s your color, sweetie,” she said with a kind smile.

“Thank you,” you replied, trying to sound polite and not weirded out. You weren’t used to random compliments. “But it’s too expensive.”

“The prices here are unbelievable,” the woman responded, sympathizing with you. “Still, it looks really good on you. Where did you find that dress?”

You pointed to a rack of clothes near the dressing rooms. She was about to leave when a little boy ran towards her. He hugged her long legs and she stumbled in her high heels, almost losing her balance. Chuckling softly, she ran a hand through the boy’s dark hair.

“I’m Dolores and this is my little guy, Louis.”

You told her your name and shook her hand. Louis had his mother’s eyes, as green as grass after a summer shower. His hair was a mess of chestnut curls that he most likely took after his father.

You parted ways soon after and you changed back into your clothes before you joined Mary and Lizzie who were waiting for you somewhere in the store. They were disappointed to see you come back empty-handed.

You found a pale lilac dress in a thrift shop for only twenty dollars; it was classy and cheap. Mary wasn’t thrilled, but Lizzie commented that Bucky would love the dress. You gave her a small smile. You were pretty sure Bucky wouldn’t care. You had only one goal -impress his ex-girlfriend.

As you stepped out of the mall, a hot dry breeze hit your face. The air was hot, almost suffocating and you had to remove your jacket. You sat in the front passenger seat and fastened your seatbelt while Lizzie started the car.

She drove back to her parents’ house with the windows rolled down, a warm breeze whipping through the car. After a moment of silence, you decided to ask them about Dot.

“What is she like?”

“She’s…” Lizzie drawled out, choosing her words carefully.

“She’s a manipulative bitch,” Mary replied from the backseat. “She’s always nice and polite, but there’s something evil about her.”

“Evil?” you snorted. “Seriously?”

“Dot’s a demon, but she’s engaged to the groom’s best man so she’ll be at the wedding.”

“What happened between her and Bucky?” you asked.

Lizzie looked in the rear view mirror and shared a puzzled look with her sister. “He never told you?”

“He doesn’t talk about it.” It wasn’t a lie, you had never had a real conversation with Bucky.

“He really should be the one telling you this,” Lizzie said, her eyes focused on the road. “But we’ll tell you because you deserve to know.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. This was a terrible idea, you felt like you were invading his privacy.

“They met in high school and applied to the same colleges,” Lizzie began. “Bucky’s always been a straight-A student. He graduated with honors in History while Dot had to repeat her senior year. He decided to wait for her and took a job as a waiter. And since Dot lived on campus, he found a roommate to save money.

“To be honest, she practically lived with him and his roommate. She skipped classes and drank a lot while he was working his ass off. And then he received a job offer from his old high school after the history teacher retired. He rented a small studio apartment with the money he had saved up and moved in with Dot. Not long after that, she told him she was pregnant.”

“You have to understand that Bucky practically raised us,” Mary continued. “Our dad was deployed and our mom was too depressed to take care of us. Bucky prepared our meals, took us to school, did the laundry, and whatever else was necessary. He was just a kid; he’s two years older than Becca, seven years older than Liz and eleven years older than me.”

“Bucky’d always wanted to be a dad. Taking care of us must have triggered something. He was so happy when Dot got pregnant,” Lizzie recalled fondly before her smile fell from her lips. “She was four months pregnant when her obstetrician found something wrong with the child. They did some tests and… Well, Bucky couldn’t possibly be the father.

“She admitted cheating on him with his roommate, Scott. They kinda look alike, so she figured Bucky would never know. She broke up with Bucky, married Scott and divorced him ten months later. And now, Bucky lives in a big city, makes loads of money and never visits us anymore. She tore him to pieces.”

As she finished her story, Lizzie parked the car in the driveway. You followed the two sisters into the house and pondered over what Lizzie and Mary had said. Now you understood why he had freaked out the night before.

His friends were moving on and he was still haunted by his ex-girlfriend and her cruel lies. In a way, you understood his anger and lifestyle. If someone had crushed your heart and destroyed every dream you had ever had, you would probably have made some drastic changes in your life.

Every girls were potential Dots and he had to protect himself.

As soon as you walked into the kitchen, Winnie gave you two glasses of lemonade and told you to bring them to “ _the boys_.” Bucky and Becca’s fiancé, Henry, were in the backyard, working on Becca’s car.

You left your bag in the kitchen and stepped onto the patio where you slipped off your sandals. The grass was warm under your feet as you crossed the backyard. A man you assumed was Henry took the glass you handed him.

“You’re a godsend. It’s so hot today.” He wiped his brows with the back of his hand and took a long sip of the cold drink. “We haven’t met yet. I’m Henry and I’m getting married this Sunday.”

You laughed. There was something about him that made you feel comfortable right away. He looked like a giant marshmallow.

You turned your head and saw a pair of legs clad in grease-stained jean poking out from under the car. Henry gave you a knowing smile and walked back towards the house, leaving you alone with Bucky.

He rolled out from underneath the car and almost hit his head when he saw you standing in front of him.

“You scared the shit outta me,” he grumbled as he got to his feet.

You were about to reply something when he removed his dirty white singlet and used it to wipe off his face. The words got stuck in your throat as you shamelessly ogled his half naked body. You quickly looked away when he threw his shirt on the grass.

“You okay?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. You nodded and gave him the glass of lemonade. “Thanks, I was dying.”

“You’re sweaty.”

“Well, yeah, it’s like 90 degrees.”

“You’re sweaty,” you repeated, your eyes locked on a trickle of sweat that was running between his pecs.

“Are you drunk?”

He leaned forward to smell your breath. His face was so close that you could see the smattering of freckles dotting his nose. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. Suddenly, the corners of his eyes crinkled and a laugh escaped his throat.

“Don’t cross your eyes or they’ll get stuck that way.”

“I wasn’t,” you responded, pushing him away.

“Yes, you were!” He stumbled back, laughing buoyantly. “It was amazing! Do it again!”

“Buttface,” you said, flipping him off as you backed away.

You walked back toward the house, Bucky’s laughter still ringing in your ears. Was that a flutter in your belly? Nope, nope, nope.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual warnings :)

 

You closed the bedroom door behind you, your eyes roaming the room for your bag. Once you saw it, you made a beeline for the small walk-in wardrobe near the window and squatted down. You fished down at the bottom of your bag and pulled out Bucky’s book. Skimming through the pages, you found the page where he mentioned Dot.

_I met Dot in high school. We broke up six years ago._

“Okay, not helpful,” you mumbled to yourself.

Huffing out a frustrated breath, you put the book back in your bag when voices caught your attention. The window was slightly open and you could hear Bucky and Henry talking in the garden. When you heard your name, you tried to peek through the window.

As you did, you noticed a telescope mounted on a tripod in the corner of the room. You briefly wondered if he ever used it to spy on his neighbours. You dragged it to the window and aimed the telescope at Bucky.

It took you a moment to adjust the focus to your eyesight, but it was worth the wait. You had a great view of Bucky’s muscular back. Sweat glistened on his sun-kissed skin and you audibly gasped. You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you were unable to look away.

You nearly screamed when your phone vibrated in your back pocket. You dug it out of your pocket and looked at the caller ID before you put it to your ear.

“You scared the crap outta me,” you told her in a hushed whisper.

“Why?”

“Never mind. How are you?”

“I’m okay. How are things between you and Bucky?”

“Um, okay, I guess. We’ve argued, but we haven’t yelled at each other,” you replied while shamelessly gawking at Bucky’s clenching abs.

You paid no attention to Natasha as she went on with her stories. At first, you made some humming noises over the phone, pretending to listen, but after a while you stopped. Bucky, with his broad shoulders and strong thighs, was a sight to behold.

Natasha’s worried voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“What?” you asked, frustration lacing your voice.

“Why are you breathing so hard?”

“I wasn’t,” you quickly moved away from the telescope as if someone had caught you staring at Bucky.

“Yes, you were. What are you doing?”

“Nothing!”

You tried to keep your cool, but Natasha was a human lie detector. You sat at Bucky’s desk and tried to change the subject because Natasha wasn’t going to let the subject drop, as least not until she’d got an answer.

“Do you want to hear something weird? Bucky’s a nerd,” you said, without waiting for her response. “There’s a star chart hung above his bed. A star chart, Nat!”

You smiled as you spun around in the swivel chair. Bucky’s history books were lined up on a shelf above the desk and his board games were collecting dust on top of the dresser.

“You call him by his first name? That’s new.”

“It’s easier. I’m not going to call him Barnes in front of everyone.”

“Huh-uh,” she replied, not convinced. You didn’t want to keep talking about Bucky, you didn’t even want to think about him.

“Anyway, I gotta go, bye!” You hurriedly ended the call.

You didn’t like her tone. Yes, you called Bucky by his first name, but that didn’t mean you suddenly liked him. That didn’t mean anything. Yes, you had observed him from his bedroom window, but you were not checking him out.

Okay, maybe a little.

You threw yourself face down on the bed and groaned. What was going on? Why did you feel so warm and fuzzy inside? You were getting sick, yeah, that was the only rational explanation. You had a stomach bug.

“Why are you groaning?”

Bucky’s voice startled you and you ended up rolling out of bed. You landed on the floor with a loud thump and whined softly. Bucky rushed to your side and snickered when he saw that you were not hurt.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he said, squatting down next to you. “My dad ordered pizza, try to save me a slice or two.”

He reached down and wrapped his arm around your wait as he helped you to your feet. You mumbled a quiet ‘ _thank you’_  and you both pulled away. You stared at each other in uncomfortable silence until you left the room.

When he came downstairs after his shower, Bucky searched through the pizza boxes, but they were completely empty. Laughter filled his ears and his body tensed when he recognized your laugh.

A strange tingly sensation took root in his belly. It wasn’t a fake laugh, it was a full-out belly laugh. He knew it because he often heard you laughing with Natasha in the kitchen.

You were having fun with his parents and sisters. It surprised him a little, but not as much as the flutter in his chest. Dot never got along with his family and every time she laughed it felt forced, fake.

“Is that Bucky?”

His brows furrowed when he heard you choke back a laugh. He turned around and saw everyone gathered around the sofas. Mary was munching on a slice of pizza, laughing heartily as Becca passed her a photo album.

His eyes widened in horror and he rushed toward his mother, who was sitting beside you.

“I think he was seven. He still took his teddy bear with him everywhere he went,” Winnie answered your question, then turned to her youngest. “Don’t touch the photos with your dirty fingers!”

“Oh, look! The science fair!” Lizzie gave you a picture of a thirteen-year old Bucky holding a blue ribbon with a proud smile.

He was really cute, a little chubbier with slightly crooked teeth and long, dangly limbs. He smiled in every picture; when he won the fifth grade spelling bee, when he stood next to a much smaller Steve, when he took whom you could only assume was Dot to prom –her face had been neatly cut out of the photo.

“What the hell are you doing?” He snatched the album from your hands.

“Taking a walk down memory lane,” Becca replied. “Cheer up, it was mom’s idea. She did it to Henry the first time I brought him here. It’s cute.”

“It’s embarrassing!” Bucky complained.

You awed at loud when Mary handed you a picture of a three-year old Bucky striking a pose, butt naked. Bucky’s neck and ears turned a dark reddish colour. He complained to his mother, but she was having the time of her life.

“Here,” you said, handing him a plate with three slices of pizza you had kept for him. “Eat something.”

He took the plate and stared at you with a disbelieving look. You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at your lips as you turned your attention to his sisters. Grinning, he stuffed a slice of pizza in his mouth and let out a content groan.

“Woah, guys! Look!” Mary turned a photo toward the crowd. “I got Bucky’s first full-frontal picture!”

He nearly spat out his mouthful and threw himself towards her, trying to snatch the photo from her hand. Lizzie cheered for her sister while you doubled over with peals of laughter.

“I was a child!” Bucky shouted. “Mom! Make them stop!”

His sisters repeated his words in a funny, whiny voice. He finally took the photo and pressed it against his chest. He straightened himself, his chest rising and falling with gasping breaths.

“You all suck!” he said before he bolted out of the room.

Later, when his father went to bed and everyone had calmed down, you were worried that you had angered him. No one knew where he was, but they didn’t seem worried. Winnie guessed he was sulking somewhere.

You found him outside, sitting on the porch swing. He quickly hid his hand, then relaxed when he saw you. You walked over and took a seat beside him.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Don’t tell my mom,” he panicked.

You rolled your eyes. “We’re not children, Bucky. I’m not going to say anything.”

“Thanks.” He took a long, slow drag on his cigarette.

You would never admit it, not even under torture, but it made him look good. The way his long, slender fingers held the cigarette. The way the planes of his jaw and cheekbones seemed sharp enough to cut through skin.

“I quit three years ago. I found these in an old hiding place, they’re stale, but…” He finished with a casual shrug.

“It’s bad for you.”

“Thanks, doctor, you’re very wise.”

That made you laugh and he seemed a little surprised. “You’re dumb,” you replied, a smile on your lips.

He looked at you for a moment and you pretended not to notice the way his eyes were lingering. “Yes, I am.”

He put out his cigarette and an awkward silence settled between you. Bucky pushed his feet against the wooden porch floor, moving the swing slowly.

“I’ll do my best tomorrow,” you broke the silence. “Your sisters told me what Dot did to you.”

Bucky sighed, annoyed.

“They meant well,” you cut him off before he could say anything. “And you literally wrote nothing about Dot in your book. You did, however, wrote five pages about pizza.”

“What can I say? I  _love_  pizza.”

“Dork.”

There was another beat of silence, not that awkward this time.

“Thank you,” Bucky said. He sounded a bit weird, as if he was trying to sound sincere, but didn’t know how to do it without embarrassing himself. “I know you had better things to do this weekend and being stuck with me is a nightmare, but I appreciate what you’re doing.”

“Natasha kinda forced me, but I’m having fun. It’s nice to get out of the city. I haven’t seen a tree in a while,” you joked, then softened your voice. “It’s going to be okay. We can do this.”

You held out your closed fist and waited for Bucky’s bigger one to bump it. He did it and shook his head at your antics.

“Okay, I’m gonna go to bed. I need my beauty sleep.”

You glared at him when he opened his mouth, most likely to throw another clever comeback at you. You gave a satisfied nod when he pretended to zip his mouth shut.

“You’re coming?”

“Not yet.”

You twisted your mouth into a small pout. “I thought I had managed to cheer you up.”

“I’m okay,” he assured you. “It’s just… I don’t want to run into my mom, I smell like smoke.”

You laughed. “Good luck, then.”

You were fast asleep when Bucky returned to his bedroom. He lay down on his sleeping bag and tried to get some sleep. He couldn’t, he was twitchy. All night long his mind had raced with a flood of memories of his relationship with Dot.

He wasn’t ready.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usual warnings

 

The next day was peaceful and quiet. The calm before the storm as Mary had said. You sat on the patio, cooking lunch with Bucky’s grandmother while he was playing basketball with his cousin, Peter.

When his grandmother caught you staring at him, she gave you a knowing wink and you ducked your head to hide your smile.

Winnie wanted to get to know you better and decided to take all the girls to the beauty salon to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. Of course, Bucky whispered a stupid comment into your ear and you discreetly pinched his side, making him yelp.

Winnie had spent a small fortune at the salon, keeping everyone pampered and sexy. To your relief, she was more interested in your work than in your relationship with her son.

When you came back home, in the late afternoon, you slipped into the beautiful pale lilac dress you had bought the day before. Everyone was in the living room, ready to go, except for Bucky. You went upstairs to see what was taking him so long.

He was standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair. His eyes met yours in the mirror and stared at you for a second. He turned around to face you, a soft smile on his lips.

“Is that the dress you bought yesterday? It’s nice.”

“Oh, my God!” you gasped in mock shock. Calling you –or rather your dress- ‘ _nice’_  was a big step for Bucky, but you still wanted to tease him. “Stop it, you’re going to make me blush!”

He rolled his eyes.

You sat on the bed, waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing with his hair. After a good five minutes, he told you he was ready.

“Wait!” You rose from the bed and walked over to him. “What the hell did you do to that poor tie?”

“It’s a Windsor,” Bucky said proudly, smoothing a hand down his tie.

“Huh, no it’s not.” Despite his complaint, you tugged the knot loose and re-tied it in a proper Windsor knot. “ _That_ ’s a Windsor.”

He turned to the mirror and whistled. “Where did you learn to tie a tie?”

“I’m Tony Stark’s assistant. He’s a genius, but give him a tie and he’s clueless.”

You both chuckled before you realized your hands were pressed against his chest. His gaze dropped to your hands, but before he could do anything you took a step back.

“Are you ready?”

“No,” he replied honestly. You gave him a small smile and followed him downstairs.

The rehearsal dinner was held in a private room at Steve and George’s restaurant. When you walked in, lots of people were already there. Winnie grabbed your arm and introduced you to Henry’s parents, leaving Bucky alone in the middle of the crowded room.

You never let Bucky out of your sight and after you saw him gulp down his third glass of whiskey, you quickly excused yourself. You took a few canapés from a passing waiter as you made your way over to him.

“We’ve been here for an hour and you’re already on your third glass.”

“So what?”

You recoiled a bit. “We’re supposed to look like a happy couple and you’re drowning yourself in alcohol. I can’t do this if you’re drunk, so eat something.”

You aggressively took his empty glass and replaced it with a mini quiche. He popped it into his mouth and groaned.

“Oh, it’s so good!”

“Close your mouth while you’re chewing,” you sighed, scrunching your nose up in disgust. “So, where’s the demon?”

Bucky took another appetizer from your extended hand while he browsed around the room and took in all the faces. “She’s not here yet.”

“Maybe she wasn’t invited to the rehearsal dinner.”

Bucky made a noncommittal noise and shrugged. You looked over his shoulder at the front door where a woman with red hair and high heels was removing her jacket. You gasped, catching Bucky’s attention.

You waved her over and were about to explain that the woman you had met in the dressing room the day before was standing behind him when you finally put two and two together.

“Is Dot short for Dolores?”

“Yeah,” he drawled out, his brows furrowing.

You watched Dot give her jacket to the coat check girl and your blood started to boil. She took a glass of red wine as she strutted over to you, a slightly shocked look on her face.

“She’s wearing  _my_  fucking dress!” you hissed as quietly as possible.

Confused, Bucky turned around and locked eyes with Dot. When he turned back to you, his face was as white as a ghost.

“I’m going to barf.”

“No, you’re not.”

You quickly looked around the room and stepped closer to Bucky. You placed your hands on his chest as you leaned forward and lowered your voice to a whisper. It looked like you were one of those sickeningly cute couples.

“Steve’s sitting at a table behind me. Go there and let me deal with  _Dot_ ,” you spat out her name.

Bucky must have put his brain on autopilot because he nodded slowly and went straight to Steve, who was already looking your way. You straightened yourself up, ready to face his ex-girlfriend.

“Nice dress,” you greeted her with a tight-lipped smile.

She smoothed her free hand down the side of her dress and grinned. “Some people can afford it.”

“And some people can look good in it,” you replied, smirking.

Dot snorted, then took a sip of her wine. She twirled her glass, watching the red liquid slosh. You suddenly wished you had something other than a mini burger in your hand.

“You’re with James?” she asked, not looking at you.

“We’ve been together for a year. I have never been happier in my life. I suppose I should thank you, I wouldn’t have met my soulmate if you hadn’t been such a terrible person.”

The lies came out so smoothly, so easily; you knew Natasha would have been proud of you. The look on Dot’s face was worth it and you were extremely proud of yourself.

“You can keep the dress, I have something better,” you added.

She slowly raised her head, her lips curved into a malicious grin. You recoiled a bit, feeling uneasiness building inside you.  

“It’s a shame, sweetie,” she said, her voice sickly sweet. “Red is your color.”

She took a step toward you and pretended to trip, spilling her drink on your dress. The skirt of your dress clung to your legs, transparent enough to show the outline of your underwear. You tried to stay composed, but tears welled up in your eyes.

Dot’s loud gasp had caught the attention of those around you, but you blocked out the noise as you tried not to cry. You felt a soothing hand on your shoulder and let Winnie lead you toward the kitchen.

Later, when Bucky burst into the kitchen, two things caught his attention. One was the strong smell of cleaning products and artificial lemon. The other thing he noticed was your calmness.

You had changed into a waitress uniform; a long and shapeless brown dress with the logo of the restaurant drawn across your chest. You smiled up at him and he squatted down in front of you, resting his hands on your knees.

“I’m fine,” you quickly said. “Dot spilled wine on my dress. Your mom’s in the other room, she’s trying to save what’s left of it.”

“You sound very, uh, calm,” he replied, frowning.

“Oh, no, I’m furious, but I don’t want to cause a scene. It’s your sister’s party and I don’t want to ruin it.” You waved him off. “Go back to the party, I’m fine.”

He squeezed your knees, drawing your attention back to him. “You said  _‘I’m fine’_  twice. I know you’re upset. Let’s go home.”

“No, we can’t do that!” you practically screamed. “It’s a special night for your sister, she needs her big brother.”

“To be honest with you, I’m not having fun. My sisters are telling everyone embarrassing stories about me, Steve almost cried when I apologized for running off the other day and my dad is drunk.”

He got to his feet and held out his hand. With a heavy sigh, you placed your hand in his and let him pull you to your feet. Winnie entered the room, your dress slung over her forearm.

“It’s ruined, dear,” she told you. “But I found a solution, I still have Becca’s prom dress. I’m sure it will fit you like a glove.”

“Thank you.”

Winnie gave you a quick once-over, a hint of a smile spread across her face when she saw that you and Bucky were holding hands. She had found it strange that you and Bucky didn’t even kiss each other, but she figured you didn’t like PDA.

“You should go home,” she said. “We will be leaving soon, anyway.”

You both nodded.

When you returned to the main room, Dot was grinning like an idiot and you wanted to wipe that smile off her face. You turned back to Bucky, who was waiting for your coat, and circled your arms around his middle.

“Uh, what’re you doin’?” he asked, his body tensing.

“Relax, Barnes.” You rolled your eyes. “Dot’s watching us.”

“It’s against your rules,” he said, smirking, as he wrapped his arms around you.

“You’re not the enemy,” you replied. “She is. She’s wearing  _my_  dress.”

“Your dress?”

“Yesterday, I met a woman in the dressing room. It was Dot, but I didn’t know that back then. She said the dress looked good on me.”

Bucky turned his head and glanced at Dot’s outfit. “But you didn’t buy that dress.”

“It was too expensive.”

He pulled back to look at you and you refused to meet his eyes. From the corner of your eye, you saw him grin. For some reason, you found his sudden smile infuriating.

“So you didn’t spend all my money? How thoughtful of you,” he said mockingly.

“I wasn’t raised to spend other people’s money. I bought the dress with my own money and Mary gave me her shoes,” you revealed.

Bucky consciously or unconsciously tightened his arms around you and this time you turned your head and looked at him. He stared at you, the expression on his face a combination of shock and fondness.

You had never noticed how blue his eyes were or how good he smelled.

“So you already broke three of your rules,” he said, smirking.

“Three?”

“The new dress, the new pair of shoes and the no lingering touches. We’ve been hugging for like five minutes.”

“The worst five minutes of my life.”

“You take the words right out of my mouth.”

Somehow, you both knew there was no real sting in the words. He always had a witty comeback and you had to admit that you enjoyed teasing him. You both left without sparing Dot a second glance.

When you arrived at his parents’ house, you removed your makeup and took a long, hot shower to get rid of the smell of wine on your skin. Bucky was in the kitchen, whipping up something to eat since you were both starving.

You sat down at the kitchen table and ate in silence until you asked, “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“I guess.”

“Do you still love Dot?”

His eyes widened and he took a sip of water before responding. “No. Seeing her again after all this time is more like… facing the monster under my bed. I don’t want to face that monster alone.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ask  _you_  a personal question?”

You nodded.

“Why are you single?”

“Seriously? That’s your question? Wow, okay.” You tried to come up with an answer. “I guess there’s two ways of dealing with a failed relationship. Your way, hit on every girl you see; and my way, stay away from everyone.”

“I don’t ‘hit on every girl I see’,” Bucky replied as he made air quotes with his fingers. “For your information, I haven’t been with anyone since I received my sister’s wedding invitation and that was nine months ago. Having your younger sister get married before you is a slap in the face, y’know?”

“I kind of feel like that when I see Nat and Clint,” you admitted. “I’m happy for them, of course, but I kinda feel like a failure.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Clint likes you, though,” you said, spearing your scrambled eggs. “He doesn’t like meeting new people so you must be special.”

“Oh, I’m special,” he said, grinning at you with his mouth full. “I know sign language. Peter’s brother, Benjamin, he’s deaf, too.”

“Can you teach me something?” you asked with a bright smile.

Bucky mulled over your request for a moment and nodded. He put his fork down and cleaned his hands off on his clothes before he pointed to you and then hit his forehead with his closed fist.

“What does it mean?”

“You’re dumb,” he replied, then burst out laughing at the scandalized look on your face.

“Buttface.” You stuck your tongue out at him. “Okay, teach me more bad words.”

You spent an hour learning words like ‘bitch’, ‘dick’, ‘motherfucker’, and other very dirty things. You liked Bucky’s enthusiasm. He chuckled every time you got a word wrong, then took your hands and placed them properly.

When his parents and sisters came back, you were both laughing hysterically. Bucky wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes after you had successfully signed the phrase ‘ _eat a dick’_.

“I like that one,” you said. “It looks innocent, like I’m scratching my nose or something.”

“Well, you’re a fast learner.”

You tentatively reached across the table, grazing his fingers with your own. “I’d like to learn more.”

“Whenever you want,” he said softly, holding your gaze.


	6. Chapter 6

 

“What the hell are you wearing?” Bucky burst out laughing when he saw you.

You had followed his mother and sisters to the wedding venue so you hadn’t seen him since you had left that morning. Becca’s prom dress fitted you just right, but it wasn’t the most appropriate outfit for a wedding.

It was a shimmering purple dress with lots of frills.

“You look like a sparkling plum,” he said, doubling over in laughter.

“Fuck off!”

He finally controlled his laughter enough to speak. “I saved you a seat next to Peggy. The wedding’s about to start.”

“Where’s Dot?”

“No idea.”

Bucky turned back to the door when his mother hissed his name. He excused himself and walked back to the flower girl. He squatted down to talk to the little girl who was staring off into space. Her hands were shaking hard as she held onto the little basket.  

He took a fistful of petals and let them trickle through his fingers. She giggled happily and gave him a big hug. You met Bucky’s eyes before you reluctantly let the usher direct you to your seat.

You greeted Steve and Peggy as you sat down. The musicians were tuning their instruments and you took a moment to look at your surroundings.

Dot was sitting on the groom’s side since her fiancé was one of Henry’s best man. She was in the seat closest to the aisle. She kept her eyes on you as the quartet started playing the famous Pachelbel Canon.

Her fiancé slowly walked arm in arm with Lizzie up the aisle toward Henry. Bucky and Mary followed them and as he walked past Dot, she brushed her hand against his. Your hands balled into fists at your sides.

The ceremony was long and, quite frankly, pretty boring. You were mulling over the events of the last couple of days with a scowl on your face. The night before, Bucky had taught you a bit of sign language, mostly bad words and insults. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t flirted a bit with him.

His smile made your stomach do flip-flops. It was very confusing because you were not ready to admit –even to yourself- that the man you hated more than anything made your heart beat faster.

His sister was saying her vows when your eyes met his. He frowned at you, silently asking why you looked so gloomy.

You gave him a little shrug. You nodded towards Dot, then you made a b-handshape and placed the tip of your fingers on your chin.  _‘Dot’s a bitch.’_  Bucky chuckled quietly, trying not to attract attention.

You spent the rest of the ceremony signing the dirty words he had taught you. Bucky tried to discreetly reply to you, but it was difficult since he was facing the entire crowd.

He pointed toward you, then closed his hand while moving it in a circle in front of his face. You frowned, not knowing what it meant. He smiled at you and clapped along with the rest of the guests as Henry kissed Rebecca.

You walked up to him after the ceremony. “What does that mean?” you asked, mimicking the gesture.

“You’re beautiful,” he answered, brushing his thumb against your cheek.

You blinked at him, at a loss for words, and he smiled tenderly. He took your hand and led you away from the crowd. Unfortunately, you couldn’t escape his mother, she had eyes everywhere.

Winnie wanted to get pictures of the two of you with the rest of the family. You tried to reason with Bucky. You were his fake girlfriend and wedding pictures are a big deal, but he only squeezed your hand tighter.

An hour later you finally sat down at your assigned table. Bucky introduced you to everybody at the table.

“You already know Steve and Peggy,” he said, then turned to a woman with long dark hair and a man with bleached-blond hair. “And these two troublemakers are Pietro and Wanda Maximoff.”

“I used to babysit them,” Steve said, a smile on his lips. “You guys are adults now, it makes me feel old.”

Peggy chuckled as she rubbed small circles over her tiny baby bump. “It’s good to know you have experience with kids, darling.”

You all laughed with her, Steve playfully rolled his eyes before he started a conversation with Pietro.

Bucky looked at the small crowd near the buffet table and his eyes widened for a second before a large smile spread across his lips. He quickly excused himself and crossed the room to kneel beside the flower girl.

He raised his hand above his head and gave her a high five. He spoke to her, probably telling her that she had done a great job during the ceremony. You watched him put a hand on his chest, somewhat dramatically, as the little girl twirled in place to show off her pretty dress.

You chuckled to yourself, unable to tear your eyes away from him. A good-looking twentysomething ran towards the little girl, she had panic written all over her face. She scolded the little girl who quickly rushed back to the kids’ table.

Bucky got to his feet and smiled at the twentysomething before he nodded toward the far corner of the room. She followed him. A strange feeling bubbled up inside you, one you remembered all too well.

Jealousy.

You tried to push the feeling away, knowing it would only cause you pain. He wasn’t your boyfriend, he wasn’t even your friend. He was just Natasha’s annoying neighbour.

You suddenly stood up from your chair, startling Wanda and Peggy, and headed to the buffet table. When Bucky joined you, you were aggressively scooping a spoonful of mashed potatoes onto your plate.

He stood too close for your liking so you shifted a bit further away from him. He glanced sideway at you and frowned.

“Something wrong?”

“No.” Your voice sounded harsher than you had intended.

“Okay, you’re a bad liar,” he chuckled awkwardly. “C’mon, what’s going on?”

With a loud sigh, you threw the spoon back into the bowl and turned to face him. “You know what? We’re supposed to be a couple, but as soon as you have the opportunity to hit on a girl, you-”

“Wow, wait, what?” he interrupted you.

“I saw you with that girl!”

He stared at you for a second before he started laughing quietly. You put your plate down and crossed your arms over your chest. The fact that he was laughing at you infuriated you even more.

“You’re an idiot,” he said, still laughing. “That girl was hired to watch the kids. She’s my sister’s girlfriend, I found out yesterday and my parents don’t know Lizzie is dating a girl. I wanted to make sure she was right for my little sister. Just like I would have done if she’d been dating a guy.”

“Oh,” you replied lamely, uncrossing your arms.

“Are you jealous?” He leaned closer, taunting you.

“No!” you gasped.

“I think you are.”

Bucky hesitated a bit before he cupped the side of your face and let his thumb brush your jaw. Your body betrayed you and leaned into his touch. Then, your eyes snapped open and you quickly pulled away from him.

“I have to go.”

You bolted out of the room before he could say anything. He called out your name, but you kept walking.

Once you were finally outside, you breathed out a sigh of relief. You shivered slightly as the cold night air hit your bare arms and legs. You put your back against the wall, slid down and sat in an attempt to calm yourself.

Men like him were dangerous and you couldn’t let him hurt you. Like incubi, they seduce their prey, suck the life out of them and leave, although now they are better known as fuckboys.

Pulling your phone out of your bra, you decided against calling Natasha and looked through your contacts until you found Maria’s number. She picked up after the second ring.

“Tell me I’m crazy,” you blurted out without even saying hello. “I need someone to yell at me.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Through the phone, you heard a sharp intake of breath and the sound of a door closing. You had her undivided attention.

“Oh, right!” she said as she remembered your previous conversation. “You’re with that guy, the one you don’t like.”

“Yeah.” You closed your eyes, trying to find your words. “You’re a no-bullshit kind of person, right? So tell me I can’t develop feelings for someone I don’t like. Tell me that three days can’t change everything.”

You waited, but she didn’t say anything. After a moment, she let out a forceful sigh. “I can’t tell you that. You have feelings for someone, Y/n, it’s not crazy. It’s completely normal.”

“I don’t have feelings for Bucky,” you gasped, annoyed. “He’s annoying and… moody… and-”

“You like him,” Maria interrupted. “I saw it the moment he walked into the restaurant. It was like I wasn’t even there anymore.”

“No,” you shouted. “It’s not one of those  _‘I always loved you and now I’m seeing you’_ moments.”

“Okay, but maybe it’s a _‘I didn’t particularly like you and now I think you’re not that bad’_ moment.”

She gave you some time to think it over. You worried your bottom lip between your teeth for a moment. She was right.

“Yeah, he’s not that bad,” you admitted.

“Halleluiah,” Maria exclaimed, making you chuckle. “You don’t have to jump into a relationship. You can just have a little fun, but you have to talk to him.”

“You make it sound like he has feelings for me.”

“Oh, sillyhead,” she laughed softly. “Do you know why little boys pull little girls’ pigtails on playgrounds?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Because they like the girls and that’s the only way they know how to get their attention.”

After she ended the call, you decided to head back inside and find Bucky. It took a lot of strength to push yourself off the ground and open the door. You didn’t have a whole speech prepared, you just hoped for the best.

You heard Bucky say your name and you turned toward the sound. He walked down the hallway toward you and you suddenly realized you had absolutely no idea what to say to him. He stopped an arm’s length away.

“I thought you were gone.”

“Where would I go?” you replied.

“My parents’ house.”

“Alone and in the middle of the night?” you scoffed.

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You keep pushing me away.”

He tried to look casual, but he remembered the look in your eyes when he had cupped your face. You had leaned into his touch, sought his warmth, even if for just one second, but then your eyes sprang open in alarm and he mistook your fear for disgust.

It hurt more than he was willing to admit. Seeing you run away from him was the final blow.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intention,” he said, looking you in the eye. “I was trying to be… funny, I guess. I wanted to make you laugh.”

“Laugh?” you repeated, frowning and cocking your head to one side.

He groaned and raked a hand through his hair, messing it up before the silky strands obediently fell back into place. He opened his mouth and closed it, as if he couldn’t find the right words.

“Every time you laugh,” he started to explain while gesturing furiously. “I have this warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach and it spreads through my whole body and it feels  _so_ _good_.”

“Don’t do that,” you whispered.

You closed your eyes and focused on slowing your heartbeat. And then he understood, it wasn’t disgust he saw in your eyes. It was fear.

“No, don’t shut yourself off. Not with me,” he warned, taking a step forward. “I know you felt it -that spark between us.”

“What do you want from me?” you cut him off.

“I want…” Bucky looked around frantically, trying to express feelings he had never felt before.

He wanted to talk for hours in bed on lazy Sunday mornings. He wanted to hold your hand as you both walked through Central Park at night.

He wanted to tease you, say stupid things and make you laugh. He wanted to wrap his body around yours, to feel you against him, to keep you safe and happy.

“-you,” he answered simply. “I want you.”

You closed the distance between you and brought his lips down to yours. Initiating the kiss enabled you to control everything. You abandoned yourself completely and kissed him hard.

He stumbled slightly and backed you up against the wall, one hand against it for support. Yet, he made no move to take control of the kiss and, instead, let you savour him.

The thought of someone catching sight of you made you dizzy with desire and Bucky’s free arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up. You pulled back slightly and began trailing open-mouthed kisses along his jaw, then his neck.

“Yes, keep going,” he moaned. “Right there!”

He arched into you when you found that sweet spot just behind his ear and laved it with your tongue. You bit, sucked and licked his tender flesh, satisfying an animalistic need to mark him, to let everyone know that he belonged to you.

When you pulled back, your eyes widened slightly. An angry red mark stood in stark contrast to his pale skin. Bucky shivered when you traced it with the tip of your forefinger.

He took a step back, a dopey look in his eyes as he stared into nothing. His tie was loose and his shirt was almost completely untucked. He tried to say something, but his brain was too fuzzy to figure out how to speak.

Instead, he touched his lips; they were still warm and tingly.

The rational part of your brain couldn’t handle these sudden feelings so the irrational part of your brain took over. You had to get away from him.

“I’m sorry,” you said softly.

You ducked your head in shame and rushed back into the main room, leaving Bucky confused and dazzled in the middle of the hallway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual warnings

 

You plopped down in your seat, avoiding Steve and Peggy’s inquisitive gaze. Your heart was beating so fast and hard, it felt a woodpecker was trapped inside your rib cage.

When Bucky joined the table, he was visibly nervous, but had managed to collect himself a little. Upon seeing the dark hickey on his neck, Peggy jabbed her elbow into Steve’s side. He woofed out a breath and rubbed his ribs before he turned his head to look at her.

She nodded toward Bucky’s neck and Steve’s eyes widened. He reluctantly placed a ten-dollar bill in her awaiting hand.

Meanwhile, you and Bucky acted like nothing had happened. You noticed that he was trying to sneak peeks at you, but you stared straight ahead, ignoring him.

Peggy gave Steve  _the look_  and he had no choice but to follow her lead. He got to his feet and tapped you on the shoulder.

“Wanna dance?”

“Not rea-”

He took your hand and pulled you to your feet before he led you onto the dance floor. The band was playing their own version of Rihanna’s Diamond. You awkwardly put your hands on Steve’s shoulders and he placed his on your hips.

“I lost ten bucks because of you,” he said after a while.

When you looked at him with furrowed brows, he ducked his head and laughed softly.

“I made a bet with Peg. She said you and Bucky were secretly into each other and I was sure you hated him. But Bucky’s got a pretty big hickey, so…” he finished with a lopsided grin.

Sighing, you looked away and saw Peggy talking to Bucky. They seemed to be having an intense conversation.

“A bet, uh?” You turned back to Steve. “So it was that obvious?”

Steve shrugged. “Everything is obvious once you know the answer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I never thought I’d get married, not till I met Peggy. I knew she was the one. And now I’m going to be someone’s dad. It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time, but I know I can do this. Look, my point is, give Bucky a chance. He’s an honest guy with a troubled past.”

Steve smiled at you before he looked at something over your shoulder. You turned your head and saw Bucky standing behind you, looking so sheepish that your heart skipped a beat.

“Do you mind?” He extended his hand to you.

Steve let go of your hips and took a step back. You let Bucky pull you to him; one arm wrapped around your waist, his free hand clasping your hand. You laid your head on his shoulder, accepting his closeness.

You swayed to the music for a moment, until you felt his chest rumble as he spoke.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m scared,” you replied.

“Yeah, I figured it out, but you can’t keep running away from me like that. It hurts a bit, y’know?”

You leaned away from him so you could look him in the eye. He was smiling gently at you and you felt guilt seize you.

“I’m sorry. It’s just very strange. Three days ago I wanted to strangle you every time you opened your mouth and now…”

When you didn’t finish your sentence, Bucky decided to finish it for you. “Now all you wanna do is kiss me to death,” he said with a stupid grin.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

He laughed at your answer and you felt your skin grow warm with embarrassment.

“Yeah, it took me by surprise, too,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t feel strange. We’ve never tried to get to know each other. Now it’s like we’re meeting again for the first time.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

You let out a sigh. “I don’t know, Bucky. I called you ‘ _he’_  for a year and ‘ _Barnes’_  when I had to. And don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to kiss you, but what are you looking for right now? Do you want to date or fool around until someone better comes along?”

The band played another song, something up-tempo and lively. You and Bucky were still slow dancing, too caught up in your conversation to pay attention.

“You still think I’m fucking my way through New York?” He glanced away, the muscles in his jaw tensed. “I told you, I don’t do that anymore. I just wanted to be someone else.”

“I know, Bucky,” you tried to sound nice, but for some reason you were getting frustrated. “Dot’s an awful person and I’m nothing like her, but I’m not sure I can be someone’s girlfriend right now.”

“We don’t have to put labels on it. I’m scared too, but I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”

“I’m afraid to let my guard down,” you said, your voice thick with tears.

“I know, I am too, but it’s going to be okay.”

He pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around you, abandoning all attempts to keep dancing. You hugged him back, your face buried in the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry I gave you a hickey,” you said as your finger traced the bruise on his neck.

A shiver ran down his spine. “I’m gonna lose it if you keep doing that.”

You smiled to yourself as you did it again. A groan came from his throat and the next thing you knew he was kissing you. You tipped your head to the side, offering yourself to him. He was slow and gentle and you never wanted the kiss to end.

When he pulled back, your eyes were still closed. “Wow… you’re a really good kisser.”

“I can teach you,” he replied with a goofy smile.

You opened your eyes and swatted his chest playfully. “Jerk.”

He laughed and took your hand. “C’mon, Princess Plum, it’s time for some cake.”

You rolled your eyes, but followed him to the buffet table. After that you had been almost inseparable, laughing and enjoying yourselves.

Dot kept staring at you, her face twisted into a scowl. It wasn’t difficult to ignore her, especially since Bucky kept stealing kisses from you. It seemed to infuriate her even more.

Things got a little awkward when you returned to his parents’ house. You were both standing in his bedroom, not sure what to do.

You used the bathroom and changed out of Becca’s shimmering purple dress into more comfortable clothes. When you came back, Bucky had already climbed into his sleeping bag. He was lying on his back with his hands clasped behind his head. You felt bad for letting him sleep on the floor.

“We can sleep together,” you said timidly as you sat on the edge of the bed. “I mean… in the same bed.”

“It’s a small bed, Y/n,” he replied. “One of us is going to end up on the floor.”

“Not if we sleep… close to each other.”

He sat up on the floor and cocked a brow at you. “Are you sure?”

You nodded.

“Oh, thank God!” He got up and kicked his sleeping bag aside in one fluid motion. “I’ve been sleeping on the floor for three days, my back is killing me.”

He climbed into bed and under the covers before he lifted his arm up so you could nestle against him. Once he made sure you wouldn’t fall off, he turned off the light, plunging the room into darkness.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your head buried against his chest.

He looked down at you, his brows furrowed. “Sorry?”

“It’s my fault if you slept on the floor.”

He laughed. “Nah, don’t worry about it. This bed isn’t big enough for two adults. I would have slept on the floor anyway.”

You hummed in response and slowly drifted off to sleep while looking up at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars glued to the ceiling.

When you woke up, Bucky was nowhere to be found. You leaned over the edge of the bed, but he wasn’t sleeping on the floor. The door opened and you instinctively pulled the covers up to your chin, even though you were still in your pyjamas.

“Morning!” he greeted, carrying a breakfast tray.

“Breakfast in bed?” you slurred, still half asleep. “Thanks.”

You grabbed a piece of toast and bit into it. Bucky sat next to you, he had a silly grin on his face.

“Why’re you smiling like that?”

“You talk in your sleep.”

“Oh, God! What did I say?”

“You called me a jerk.”

“Um, but  _you are_  a jerk.” You shrugged, hiding your smirk behind the rim of your mug.

“Oh, really?”

Bucky set the tray on the bedside table before he pounced on you, tickling you until you screamed with laughter. You writhed under him and tried to push him away, but he easily pinned you to the bed.

You laughed louder when his fingers found your sensitive spots.

“Say ‘ _Bucky, you’re the master of the universe and I’m your humble servant’_.”

You started laughing so hard you could barely breathe. “Fuck you.”

“Nu-huh, that’s not what I want to hear.”

“I’m going to pee my pants!”

“Gross,” he laughed, tickling you faster. “But not what I want to hear.”

You repeated his previous sentence and he finally stopped tickling you. You were still breathless when Bucky rolled away so fast that he fell off the bed with a loud thud.

You gasped and leaned over the edge of the bed. Bucky grimaced as he rubbed the back of his head.

“You’re dumb,” you said through a chuckle.

“Yeah, but I’m the master of the universe.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and helped him to his feet.

After breakfast, you spent the morning gathering your things and packing up. Winnie and George drove you to the train station where they both hugged you goodbye. Winnie made you promise to come back soon.

Despite you protests, Bucky upgraded your return ticket to first class in order to travel with you. You told him he shouldn’t have done it, but you appreciated the gesture. He smiled and pecked your lips.

Two hours later, you were arriving in New York and an uneasy feeling crept up your spine. It all felt like déjà vu, except this time you were walking hand-in-hand with Bucky.

And just like that, everything felt weird again.

Three days ago, you had been standing right there, wishing you could be at home. In some ways, it felt like you were betraying the old you.

As you left the strain station, Bucky released your hand to hail a cab and you stuffed your hands into your pockets. If he noticed that you were avoiding him, he didn’t say anything about it.

He climbed into the cab after you and stayed silent while you gave the cab driver your address. You spent the entire car ride looking out the window, watching the scenery pass by.

Was your love life destined to be a never ending cycle of sabotage? Yes, Bucky was amazing, but he went from angry little boy to ray of sunshine so fast that it blinded you.

You were not one of those people who dove headfirst into a relationship, you preferred to gradually ease yourself into it. You decided you needed more time to think things through.

The cab driver pulled up in front of your building and you hurriedly climbed out of the car. Bucky followed you while the man took your bag out of the trunk of his car.

“Would you like to go out to dinner with me this Saturday?” Bucky asked with a hopeful smile.

“I can’t,” you replied, shaking your head. His bright eyes dimmed so you quickly added. “You changed my schedule, I have to work this weekend.”

He cringed, remembering how he coaxed your co-worker into giving up his weekend so you were free to join him. “Oh, right, I’m sorry I did that.”

You shrugged. It bugged you a little, but you were not going to tell him that.

“You okay?”

“Sure,” you lied. He frowned at you and you figured he deserved to know the truth. “I just need more time to sort through everything that’s happened.”

“Of course, I understand,” he said, nodding his head. “Take all the time you need.” He gave you one of his charming smiles. “Can I kiss you goodbye?”

You nodded.

Bucky leaned forward and he would’ve kissed you on the lips, but you turned your head at the last second. He breathed out a sigh and let his mouth linger a second too long on your cheek. He rested his forehead against your temple before he pulled back.

“I’ll call you,” you said, taking your bag from the driver.

You ran up the front steps and turned around when Bucky called out your name.

“You’re not gonna call, um?”

You held his stare for a moment. “It was a nice weekend, Bucky, thank you,” you replied, avoiding his question, before you disappeared through the front door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, I'm the worst...

 

“Hello? Earth to Y/n! Are you still there?”

You snapped out of your musing and your two co-workers started to come into focus. Maria and Jarvis were standing next to you, both of them looked worried.

“You’ve been staring at the coffee pot for the past ten minutes,” Jarvis said as he put a hand on your shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, she’s not okay. She’s sick,” Maria laughed. “She’s been bitten by the love bug!”

“The love bug?” Jarvis repeated, chuckling. Maria gave him a look, silently telling him to play along and his face took on a fake serious expression. “It sounds dreadful! Is there anything we can do?”

“Alas, no, my friend,” Maria replied in a tragic tone. “The best we can do is hope that she’ll pull her head out of her ass soon.”

You rolled your eyes as you walked past her and returned to your desk. You had told Maria what had happened between you and Bucky. ‘ _You’re hopeless_ ,” she had said. She wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

But she didn’t understand what it was like to be afraid of intimacy. You pushed people away because being alone was easier than healing a broken heart and that was something she could never understand.

With an exhausted sigh, you plopped down in your chair while your co-workers were still goofing around.

“How long does she have?”

“Not sure,” Maria said, shrugging, “she’s been bitten pretty hard.”

“Ha-ha, you two are hilarious,” you grumbled, sinking further into your chair. “Can we go back to work now?”

You didn’t wait for an answer. You put on your headphones and turned up the music as loud as you could stand it. Maria and Jarvis shared a look before they went back to work.

You tried to focus on your files, but your mind continued to drift back to Bucky. You couldn’t stop thinking about him and it had been two full weeks since you last saw him. You still had his number saved in your phone under the name ‘Buttface’, but you were unable to press the stupid call button.

A balled-up paper landed on your keyboard, pulling you out of your thoughts. You raised your head and fixed Maria with a narrowed stare. She gave you a little smile and nodded toward the paper. With a sigh, you opened it up.

“There’s a delivery for me?” you read aloud while you removed your headphones.

“Yeah, I just buzzed Happy in,” she replied, laughing quietly to herself.

“Why are you laughing?” you asked as Happy entered the office.

“I have a delivery for Fartface!” he announced, walking over to your desk. “Are you Fartface?”

Maria and Jarvis burst into laughter and you could see Happy trying hard not to join them. ‘ _Fartface’_  was the nickname Bucky had given you during the weekend.

“Yes, it’s me,” you grumbled. “I’m Fartface.”

Happy snickered quietly to himself while you signed the delivery sheet. Maria and Jarvis were still laughing behind you. You made a mental note to kill Bucky.

“This is for you!”

You let out a little gasp as Happy placed a bouquet of pink roses on your desk. After muttering a quick ‘ _Bye, Fartface’_ , he left the room.

The room was strangely silent now. Your co-workers waited with bated breath for you to open the card. You stared at the bouquet, your heart pounding with excitement.

You knew it was from Bucky, he was the only one who called you Fartface. You took the card, took a deep breath and opened it.

_I’m much more me when I’m with you. Thank you for everything x JBB_

You sat in stunned silence, your lips parted, as you read the card over and over. Maria snuck up behind you and leaned over your shoulder to peer at the note. She did that a lot, that woman was one nosy person.

“I know I made fun of you earlier,” she said, startling you a little, “but don’t give up on love. It looks like the love bug bit him just as hard.”

You flopped your head down on your desk and whined. You loved being single, you loved being in control, and you were not even sure you had the guts to look vulnerable in front of Bucky.

“The only thing holding you back is you,” Maria said, patting your hair.

You lifted your head and rolled your eyes. “I hold the key to my destiny. Bravery is not the absence of fear. Yeah, thanks, Yoda. You’re very wise.”

“Oh, someone’s cranky!” Jarvis cooed teasingly.

“She needs to take her medicine,” Maria joked.

You flipped them off.

* * *

Friday rolled around faster than you had wanted. Usually, you loved Fridays, but things were a little complicated. You hadn’t seen Natasha since the weekend before Rebecca’s wedding. You had called and texted each other, but it wasn’t the same.

What you dreaded the most was seeing Bucky after all this time. He spent most of his Friday nights with Clint while you stayed with Nat in the kitchen, gossiping.

Friday nights were special to you; the wine, the gossip, the food, your friends, but then Bucky had upset your routine. You didn’t like your routine disturbed.

You may have held a grudge against him for waltzing into your life. It was childish, but routines and habits were your only allies against anxiety.

Taking a deep breath, you left the lift and made your way down the hallway to Natasha’s door. As you raised your hand to knock on the door, you heard a loud, cheery voice coming from Bucky’s apartment.

You stilled and strained your ears to listen. You recognized that voice. It belonged to a well-known talk-show host.

You should have been happy, Bucky wasn’t going to ruin yet another Friday night. Yet, an unpleasant feeling settled in your stomach like a ball of lead. Turning around, you considered your next move.

Maria was right, it was time for you to pull your head out of your ass.

Taking your courage in both hands, you crossed the hallway and knocked on his door. Your heart was jackhammering in your chest while you waited. He opened the door almost immediately, a look of surprise on his face.

Your breath got caught in your throat at the sight of him. He was still wearing his work clothes, dark slacks with a white button-down, but he looked relaxed. He had removed his tie and the two top buttons of his shirt were undone. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing thick arms with blue veins popping out.

“Hi,” you said bashfully, knowing he’d caught you staring.

“Hi,” he echoed.

There was a brief lull in the conversation before you cleared your throat. “I’m sorry for showing up unannounced, but I wanted to thank you for the flowers. They’re lovely.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling. “I appreciate what you did for me. You were great and my family loved you.”

The compliment brought a rush of heat to your face and you ducked your head to hide your smile. When you looked up at him, his smile was gone and he was avoiding your eyes.

“You should go, Nat’s probably wondering where you are. Thanks for stopping by.” He hesitated as if he was about to say something more. “You won’t have to see me again. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Wait, no!” you nearly shouted when he tried to close the door. He looked at you with a quizzical expression. “Can we talk?”

He nodded and opened the door wider. You entered his apartment and looked around. His apartment looked like he had opened an Ikea catalogue to a random page and ordered everything. No framed pictures, nothing too personal.

You also noticed a few moving boxes placed against the wall.

“You’re moving out?” you asked

“I’m switching apartments with Lizzie,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “She took a job as a legal assistant in a law firm; they pay well and everything. I’m not going to be able to afford this place anymore so it seemed like the best solution.”

“Why can’t you afford it anymore?”

“Well, it’s… I gave my notice today,” he replied, cringing at bit when you gasped. “I realized something during that weekend. I can’t move on and be the man I want to be if I don’t change. I took this job because they offered me a lot of money, but I hate it. I hate my boss, I hate my colleagues, I hate everything about this company.”

You covered your face with your hands. This was all your fault, you had ruined his life.

“Y/n, don’t blame yourself,” Bucky continued, knowing you better than you thought. “I should thank you. Thank you for reminding me who I really am. I meant what I wrote on that card. I’m much more me when I’m with you. I want to help people, I want to make a difference. That’s who am I.”

“Bucky,” you said softly.

“I’m fine, I should have done this a while ago,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I feel really good. It’s like writing on the first page of a new notebook. Anything’s possible.”

You nodded, gauging his reaction. He seemed to be genuinely fine, relaxed and at peace with his past. You were happy for him. He needed someone so had their shit together.

“That’s great, Bucky.” You gave him a small smile. “I’m sure you have a lot of things to do, I should leave you alone.”

You took a step toward the door, but he stopped you.

“Please, don’t walk away from me again.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t think I can handle it again. You said you wanted to talk. Talk.”

“I don’t want to leave, Bucky, but I keep messing up and that’s not what you need rig-”

He let out a frustrated groan that sounded a lot like your name. You smiled, it reminded you of all the times he had groaned out your name during the weekend. You loved winding him up and you had missed your banter.

But this wasn’t teasing, he needed an explanation.

“Don’t tell me what’s best for me, okay?” he said, his eyes narrowed. “I want to know why you’ve changed your mind. I thought we wanted the same thing.”

“It happened too fast,” you explained, taking a step back. “We were away from home, stuck together… and I don’t know… When we came home, I realized how crazy it was and I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t.”

You spoke without looking at him. Bucky wanted to say something, but you were pouring your heart out to him so he listened.

“And I never gave you a chance, even as a friend. You were this annoying guy who unsettled my routine and I hated you for it. It’s not fair and I’m sorry. I love being in control of everything. It may sound silly, but it makes me feel safe.”

The mere thought of you feeling scared or unsafe made a shiver run down his spine. He squared his shoulders, trying to keep quiet while you unloaded your feelings.

“I’m scared of falling in love with you and I know it will happen if I’m not careful,” you said, finally looking at him. “The way my heart races when you’re near me… it’s like I’m always lightheaded.”

“Isn’t that a good feeling?” he asked, fighting a smile.

“It’s an amazing feeling. I haven’t felt like this in years, but if one day I fall in love with you, if tell you how you make me fell, then it’ll hurt a lot more when…  _if_  you break my heart.”

You could have kicked yourself when your voice faltered. Sensing your distress, Bucky took your hands in his. You had to admit it was oddly calming.

“It’s okay. Relationships are scary, exciting and unpredictable, but in a good way,” he said. “I know you’re nothing like Dot, but part of me keeps thinking that no one’ll ever love me.

“Dot didn’t just broke up with me, she crushed my dreams and spat on them. I used to have my whole life planned out; fall in love, get married, have kids, but I don’t know… Now I just want someone who loves me as much as I love them.”

Silence fell between you. You watched Bucky’s thumbs move across your knuckles. The television was still blaring away with his favourite program.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a while.

“I feel like I’ve overshared,” you replied and pinched his side when he chuckled, “but I’m sort of glad I did?”

“Is that a question?” He cocked a brow at you, an amused smile curling his lips. You shrugged. “I overshared, too, I think we needed that.”

You were about to reply when your phone vibrated in your pocket. You excused yourself and pulled your phone out.

“Is that Nat?” Bucky asked.

“Yes, she’s wondering where I am.” You sent her a reply.

“You should go then,” he said. He didn’t want you to leave, but he also didn’t want to push you out of your comfort zone.

“Actually, I told her I was spending the evening with you,” you explained bashfully. “You know, like… a date.”

His eyes widened in surprise, a warm smile on his face. His smile was so big that it brightened the whole room. You were determined not to fuck this up.

“Yes!” he said, trying and failing to hide his enthusiasm. “I know a great place, it’s not too far away from here.”

“Lead the way.”

He stumbled around, trying to find his shoes. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. He managed to put them on, a little less than graceful, and turned the TV off before he grabbed his keys.

“You good?” you asked, grinning.

He pondered it for a second before he lowered his head and gave you a chaste kiss. Your eyes widened when his lips touched yours. He pulled back quickly and it took you a second to snap out of your daze.

“Now, I am.”

“Smooth, Barnes,” you chuckled, following him into the hall.

“Plenty more where that came from.”

You linked your fingers with his while he locked the front door. The gesture made him smile. He bit his bottom lip, trying to hide his smile, which made you want to kiss him hard. Damn, vicious circle…

“Buttface,” you muttered playfully.

“Fartface,” he replied with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to everyone you read and commented, you guys are the best <3 I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter, careful it's really, really sweet ;)

> _7 months later_

You and Bucky walked hand-in-hand along the perfectly arranged streets, peering into shop windows adorned with Christmas decorations. You walked aimlessly, not paying attention to where you were going, while you maundered on about a documentary you both watched the night before.

“Fish don’t drink water,” Bucky scoffed.

“Of course they do,” you replied, shaking your head. “What do you think they drink? Milk?”

He let out a surprised laugh, drawing strange looks from passers-by. “That’s not what I meant. They live in water, they don’t need to drink it. They probably just soak it up through their skin or something.”

“Maybe,” you shrugged.

“Why are we even talking about this?” he asked, a crease forming between his brows.

You turned your head to look at him. His thick scarf covered most of his mouth, but you could tell he was smiling by the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. He continued to look ahead and squeezed your hand when you took too long to answer.

You cleared your voice. “Because you said you wanted to eat sushi for dinner.”

“I still do.”

“Yeah, but it’s my turn to choose,” you reminded him. “But… if you let me pick the movie, then you can have whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want, uh?” he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

You recognized the suggestive tone of his voice, and even though you wanted to roll your eyes, you couldn’t keep the smile off your face. Bucky tugged on your hand to bring you closer. He cupped your face and lowered his mouth to yours, speaking against your lips.

“I want…,” he trailed off, brushing his lips against your own. You closed your eyes, your body humming with excitement. Instead of kissing you, he tugged your beanie down over your eyes and said, “-sushi!”

“Jerk!” you cried. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” he laughed, taking your hand. “Come on, we need to find a gift for little Joey.”

Joey was Steve and Peggy’s child. He was born two weeks before Christmas and Bucky couldn’t stop talking about him. You loved the way his eyes lit up every time he received a new picture from Steve.

Of course, Steve had chosen him to be the Godfather. You were really happy for Bucky, you just wished he’d stop quoting the baptism scene from The Godfather.

You passed through the automatic doors of the shopping centre as you removed your hat and gloves and stuffed them into your pockets. Bucky disappeared between two aisles and you decided to browse around a little.

After a moment, you wandered down to the baby department and found Bucky. He ran his hand over the soft material of a pink dress and released a soft sigh.

Seeing Steve so happy with his wife and kid might have triggered his own desire to settle down and start a family. You knew you would have to talk about it soon.

“That dress is a little too small for you, Buck,” you said, startling him.

“Ah-ah!” He rolled his eyes affectionately.

He looked away, a momentary sadness clouding his eyes and face. You ran your fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm his raging thoughts. He gave you a small smile and kissed your cheek.

“You found something for Joey?” he asked, nodding his head toward the tiny pair of denim overalls in your hand.

You perked up instantly and held the hanger higher so he could take a better look. “Yes! Isn’t it the cutest thing in the world?”

Bucky chuckled. “You’re the cutest thing in the world, but this is a close second.”

When the sun started to set, you went to Bucky’s apartment, your arms loaded with gifts and food. His new apartment was small and cosy. He had tried his hand at decorating and while he was clueless about colour-matching, it still looked homey.

After dinner, you cuddled up on the sofa and watched a comedy show on TV. Because you were both busy, you only saw each other on weekends. You liked it that way, it allowed you to keep your independence.

“Bucky?”

“Mmh?”

“Can we talk?”

He sighed. “If this is because of the pink dress, don’t worry about it. I just thought it was cute.”

You moved a little away from him and sat on your haunches. Straightening his posture, he avoided your eyes. He looked so vulnerable, so childlike. You placed your hand on his knee, squeezed lightly, and hoped he’d meet your gaze.

“It’s not the dress, Bucky. It’s what it represents and we should talk about it,” you said. “It’s important.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice so soft you almost didn’t hear him. He met your eyes. “You don’t want children.”

“I never said that,” you replied, shaking your head. “I know that seeing Steve with his baby is a little tough for you-”

He gave you a casual shrug, but you could see right through his tough act. You took his hand and ran your thumb over his knuckles.

“It’s always been your dream,” you continued, “to have children, to raise and protect them. You said you were not sure you wanted a family because Dot’s lies hurt you, but your face lit up every time you look at a picture of Joey… You want children.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he conceded.

“See, I knew it,” you said, grinning. “I want kids, too, but there’s a million things I want to do first. I’m not ready yet.”

“So,” he said, turning his head to look at you, “you see a future with me?” He had a big grin on his face, like he already knew the answer.

You had always known Bucky wanted a family and it had been one of the things you took into consideration before you admitted your feelings for him seven months ago.

“Yes.”

You squealed when he pounced on you and pinned you down on the sofa. Your legs were bent awkwardly under you, but you giggled when he started ticking you.

After a moment, his hands stayed at your waist and he gave you a long, passionate kiss. Your hand curved around his cheek, the bristles of his beard rubbing against your fingers.

“You’re my family,” he whispered into your ear before he pulled away.

His words rendered you speechless. He smiled warmly as he helped you to your feet and led you to the bedroom.

The cold weather and long walk had exhausted you. You changed into your night clothes while Bucky brushed his teeth. When you joined him in the bathroom, you took the toothbrush he had given you the night before after you realized you had forgotten yours at home.

He finished first and placed a cold kiss on your cheek, making you grumble around a mouthful of toothpaste foam. He snickered as he walked back into the bedroom.

“You know,” you heard him say. “You can leave that toothbrush here. I’d be easier.”

You rinsed your mouth and patted it dry before you replied, “sure. You can leave a toothbrush at my place, too.”

“I’d like that,” he said with a smile.

You left the bathroom and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, looking nervous and excited at the same time. You bit back a grin as you crossed the room and scrabbled around in your overnight bag.

“Maybe you could, uh, keep some clothes here so you wouldn’t have to pack a bag every time,” Bucky said. His stammering made you smile to yourself. “I’ll make some space for you in the closet and there’s an empty drawer in my dresser.”

“That’s a good idea,” you told him. “I’ll make room in my wardrobe for your things.”

He let out a small relieved sigh and reached out to take your hand. You straddled his lap and locked your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his forehead on your shoulder.

“So… is this what an adult relationship is like?” you asked, combing your fingers through his hair.

“We’re adulting so hard, I’m proud of us. Are you scared? Is this too much?” he asked, knowing it was still a touchy subject.

Your hands went to the sides of his face, feeling the softness of his beard on your skin, and you made him look at you. “No. I broke my rules for you. All 120 of them.”

He bit his bottom lip, his upper lip quirking into a grin. “Your rules were dumb.”

You gave an exaggerated gasp before he swiftly moved on top of you, the weight of his upper body pinning you to the mattress. It didn’t take long before your laughter turned into quiet moans.


End file.
